


Clueless

by vakarian_shepard



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Decision Making is Hard, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Other, Pre-Relationship, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 05:19:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5730892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vakarian_shepard/pseuds/vakarian_shepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kira's been avoiding him and Nick's going a little mad trying to figure out what exactly caused it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clueless

There was something wrong.

He couldn’t really put his finger on what it was, but lately Kira had taken to avoiding him. She didn’t look at him when she spoke to him, if she even did at all, and started heading out more and more with Dogmeat or MacCready. He noticed that she wasn’t even really talking to Hancock anymore, which was odd because she used to head out with him so often.

Of course, she used to take _him_ out with her a lot, too.

He was trying not to be offended, for all their sakes, but it was getting increasingly more difficult. Had he done something? Was it something he’d said? He had run over their conversations before this whole thing had started at least a hundred times—he couldn’t figure out what had caused this.

He thought maybe it was just the man in him and started asking around. Piper had shrugged when he asked her about it—said she hadn’t seen Kira in a few weeks, which was odd but she just figured she was busy. Cait had no idea and didn’t really seem to care at all that he was distraught. Curie didn’t understand what he was asking, still new to dealing with humans (not that he could blame her—he felt a little new himself, even after dealing with them for decades).

Mae was a little more helpful than the others when he pulled her aside to ask about her sister. She frowned and said, “You know, I noticed that, too. She hasn’t said anything to me about you—or well, at all. She’s been avoiding me, too. Why don’t you ask her yourself?”

He just made a face and she laughed good-naturedly at him. Patting him on the arm, she said, “I know my sister’s tough, but she’s a reasonable person, too. Just ask what’s up—and _don’t_ try and do it coolly or whatever. You have to be blunt with her sometimes, because however good _you_ think you are with dancing around a subject, she’s better.”

It took him all day to work up the courage to seek her out where she’d set up shop in one of the old houses. She’d explained to him one night, when she was still awake and he was keeping her company that she knew she kept odd hours and didn’t want to wake anyone up when she came home. Plus, it was her old house and it made her feel comfortable. He’d asked about _why_ she was awake so late and she just smiled a little and said, “I was on sleeping medication before the bombs fell. I’ve still got insomnia and it’s hard when I haven’t worn myself out.”

That’s why he chose this time to come visit. The rest of the settlement was asleep but, judging from the way her door was still open (she didn’t like closing it unless she wanted privacy—so many people needed her that she tried not to wall herself off), she probably hadn’t managed to settle in yet.

He tried to make a little noise while he approached, but he obviously hadn’t made enough as he rounded the corner and found her sprawled on the floor, working on blueprints or something for another building in the settlement. He cleared his throat and called her name, which only made her gasp sharply and curl into a ball, clutching at her chest.

She let out a relieved sigh when she met his eyes, pressing her head to the floor with a sigh of, “ _Jesus_ , Nick.”

He winced. “Sorry, doll, I didn’t mean to scare ya. I just thought you might like a little company, that’s all.”

She stared at the wall for a second, worried her bottom lip between her teeth, before sighing again and pushing herself into a sitting position. She looked up at him carefully and smiled a little when he smiled down at her. She gestured to the bed behind her and said, “Knock yourself out.”

“That’s a little impossible, sweetheart,” he quipped, earning a snort of muffled laughter that made him grin, “but I’ll do my best.”

She flashed him a sweet smile over her shoulder. “That’s all I ever ask of you, Nicky.”

He hesitated, as she turned back to work, suddenly aware that he really had nothing to do with his hands, or the rest of him, for that matter. He clasped his hands together and noticed, not for the first time, just how sharp and, well, inhuman his right seemed without the synthetic skin covering it.

He cleared his throat after a minute or two, watched her turn her head towards him to indicate that she was listening as she hummed in acknowledgment. “Kira, I actually wanted to talk to you about something, if you don’t mind.”

Nick almost backpedaled when he saw the way her entire body seemed to go tense. She rubbed roughly at her face with her left hand briefly, before she sat up again and leaned against the wall so that she was facing him, pasting a smile on her lips that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Sure, what’s up?” was all she said.

He fidgeted, looking for the words and running his hands up and down the material on his thighs, avoiding her face. “I just,” he paused, flicking his eyes back to hers. “I was just wondering what it was I did that made you so _mad_ at me.”

She frowned. “ _Mad_ at you? Is that what you think?”

He deflated a little, confused. “What else would it be?”

Kira laughed a little and pulled her knees up, resting her elbows on her knees and burying her face in her hands, fingers slipping under her glasses to rub at her eyes. “I’m not—oh god, Nick, I’m not mad at you,” she laughed into her hands. When she dropped her hands, he was a little panicked to find that her eyes were swimming with unshed tears.

She didn’t look at him for long, flicking her gaze away towards the oil lamp she’d been using to write notes with. She sniffed and smiled sadly, her voice catching as she said, “I just—Nick, I did something bad and I can’t,” her breath hitched as she bit back a sob, “I can’t stand to be around you because the guilt eats me alive every time I so much as see your profile across the street.”

Unable to watch her cry without doing anything, he slid to the floor and reached out with his good hand, catching a few of her tears that fell. “Whatever you did,” he managed after a moment, trying to catch her eye. When he succeeded, he offered her a tremulous smile. “ _Whatever_ you did,” he repeated, “it can’t be bad enough that I would stop wanting to be around you, ya know.”

She laughed harshly, looking away again as a few more tears fell down her cheeks. “I don’t know, Nicky—I really fucked up this time.”

“Just tell me what happened, doll. I hate seeing you like this.”

Kira sighed shakily and removed her glasses as she buried her face in her hands again. “You—You know how, a few months ago, we had that… _scare_ with that helicopter flying over the settlement? And I panicked and thought we were about to be the victims of an air raid?”

“Yes?” he prompted when she stopped speaking for a moment. He remembered that very vividly—she hadn’t slept for three days after that, she’d been so wired. He and Hancock had had to force feed her some Jet (much to his chagrin) to finally get her to stop and lie down for a few hours.

“I—I just wanted to protect you guys, you know? You’re the most important part of my world and I just wanted to know you were gonna be safe while I was out.” She sniffled miserably and rubbed at her face. “So, when I got that distress signal I thought, well, that there was my big chance, yeah? I could help these—these people and then I would have some guns on our side and they wouldn’t come trying to take over our settlement.”

Nick took a deep breath that he didn’t need and tried to catch her eye again. “Darling, I don’t know what you think of me, but—”

She cut him off.

“Nick, I joined the Brotherhood of Steel.”

Well, whatever he’d been expecting, that obviously wasn’t it, judging by the odd sensation in his gut. He watched her carefully as she started to sob again, in earnest now, choking out the words, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” between breaths.

He touched her arm lightly, squeezing gently. “Sweetheart,” he began softly. “I’m not here to judge you. I don’t blame you for doing something proactively to protect your own. I—I can’t say I would’ve done the _same_ in your situation, but then I’ve never been in your situation, have I?”

He shifted so that he could pull her into his arms, letting her sob against his shirt, tucking her head under his chin and rubbing at her back. “I’m not mad at you, doll.”

She laughed a bit hysterically. “ _Why not_?” she asked softly, her voice cracking. “I basically joined the KKK against synths and ghouls.” She wrapped her arms around him and pressed closer as she mumbled, “I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore, Nick.”

He shrugged and sighed. “I don’t…I can’t find the words to express what I feel, darling, but just know that my view of you hasn’t changed in the slightest—in fact, it might even be a little better. You’re just trying to protect the people you love and I understand that. I’m not going to ever be mad at you for something like that.”

She sighed and started playing with a stray thread on his shirt. “I love you,” she said at length. “You know that, right?”

Nick smiled into her hair—it wasn’t exactly a confession, but hearing the words sure made him feel like a million bucks. “Only if you know that I love you, too, doll.”

She pulled away then, looking up at him hopefully with her tearstained face. “Really?”

He grinned. “As impossible as it sounds.”

Her face lit up like a light and she buried her face in his shirt again, laughing now as she said, “ _God,_ I missed you.”

They sat like that for a long while, just curled up on the floor, while the minutes ticked by. His hand traced little patterns on her arms as he listened to her quiet breathing and she listened to whatever noises his internals were making just beneath his skin.

“Will you stay with me tonight, Nick?” she asked softly, her voice soft and far away. He felt her fingers curl into his shirt as she tightened her grip on him slightly. “I’m so tired, Nick. You make me feel so safe and I know—I know _safe_ isn’t really a thing that exists anymore, but…” she trailed off. “It would help me sleep, at least.”

He decided to take a chance and pressed his lips to the side of her head as she moved to pull back and look up at him. It pulled a giggle out of her and when she looked up at him, she was grinning. He smiled a bit and said, “Sure thing, partner. Anything you want.”

She laughed as she stood and pulled him to his feet. Standing up like this, it reminded him of just how small she was—he wasn’t exactly tall, but she still just barely came up to the tip of his nose. “Careful, handsome, or I might actually take you up on that. I’m horribly clingy in relationships.”

 _I wouldn’t mind_ , he wanted to say. _I think I’d like that in a dame._

But, he didn’t. He just smiled more and let her get ready for bed, pulling her into his arms when she was ready to finally sleep. He couldn’t have been comfortable, he thought as she curled up against him with her head resting on his chest, but her breathing was almost immediately slow and steady, her muscles lax against him.

Suddenly feeling fiercely protective, he pulled her closer. If there was one thing that he was going to do with his time in this world, it was protect the woman in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally just me wanting to apologize to Nick for joining the Brotherhood of Steel. I didn't know what I was doing when I did it; I just wanted to help, and now I feel super guilty every time I try to finish one of their missions.
> 
> This is my first attempt at a fic for this fandom, so please be kind.
> 
> Also: Mae is one of my super cute ghoul OCs. She's great and I love her.


End file.
